But I'm not a noob!

Sorry, these are much more 'inside joke'-intensive than the 'you might be a nerd' list. If you want to know why I haven't been posting recently...well, here are some places to start. Yeah, new year, new unhealthy obsession. I know.

You might be a noob...if the post-game screen runs out of digits to display your number of deaths.

You might be a noob...if you're still playing four-bar Ashe forty minutes into the game.

You might be a noob...if you see everyone hit 18 while you're still in the single digits.

You might be a noob...if you think "map control" means the ability to unlock your camera with Y.

You might be a noob...if you have never bought anything from the Consumables section. Except health pots. So many health pots. Four hundred health pots.

You might be a noob...if you have 6 Doran's Blades because you heard that Blade stacking was OP.

You might be a noob...if you have recently abandoned Christianity to join the Church of Elementz' Tier Lists.

You might be a noob...if someone advises you to "smartcast" and you reply "So, aim my skillshots this time?"

You might be a noob...if you think you will surprise them with your decision, but fail because even stupid bird is here.

You might be a noob...if you think King Arthur's assault on the Rabbit of Caerbannog is a sterling example of how teamfights should work, so your battle cry is "Run away!"

You might be a noob...if you cannot find a hint of green anywhere on your 'Recent Matches' page.

You might be a noob...if you think Jungle Yi is the answer to any team comp dilemma. Even if there's a Warwick involved.

You might be a noob...if, when you see someone ping dragon, you think they're just trying to get the dragon to ping back.

You might be a noob...if someone types "mia" and you type back "yes, manliness is awesome."

You might be a noob...if you get killed by a Xin Zhao and think, "But my Phantom Dancers gave me 100% dodge chance!"

You might be a noob...if you think rage is part of this complete breakfast.

You might be a noob...if you get lost in the jungle.

You might be a noob...if the answer in every situation is "Push mid!"

You might be a noob...if you decide that Smite is a good summoner spell because it helps you last-hit uninhibited minions.

You might be a noob...if you wonder why anybody would use a 'minimap' when the big version is right there in front of your face.

You might be a noob...if you think hotkeys are for Koreans.

You might be a noob...if you think your teammates' roles are all the same: Cheer you on from the sidelines while you honorably defeat the enemy in single combat.

You might be a noob...if you think their Nexus can't be killed until you destroy the fountain turret.

You might be a noob...if you blue-pill by gray-screening and win by blue-screening.